My OCD mind...

My OCD:
I already know many won't read this, not worried at all.

Like I joke around a lot about having OCD, ....today and this week, I've been trying to share resources and be a bit more open about it, but it's hard. I struggle everyday to hide the more extreme rituals and patterns of my OCD. The ones folks do see; for instance the counting, you are only seeing the tip of the iceberg. It does stress me out, a lot to try and withhold some of these things and in doing so, I think about them for the next few days/weeks/months/even years, replaying one event over and over in my mind. They will over lap with many other events/situations/conversations/interactions that are still in the cycling motion of leaving my mind. I like to say I live in my own world of organized chaos. I know all these random dates, full of random useless knowledge (that I read in a book in the library in E.C, in 6th grade or when I would sleep in the tree by the armory after I left Parks too late reading a letter of the encyclopedia when I couldn't sleep), the most random conversations, and everything in between is all cataloged in my brain. I read random articles all the time trying to figure me out, so please know you don't have me figured out, because I'm still working on me (one article is shared here in the comment). Some of it appears chaotic to most, but to me it helps me survive. Some know of my mental illness that I have as well, others do not. So when they try to "cure" or "treat" my OCD it revs it up more and sometimes triggers anxiety, so knowing that at times it is the only thing that helps me when my mental illness is truly effecting me. I can joke about the things I share with you guys because that is where my comfort-ability ends with those particular things. I love the posts that are shared with me about "why would someone do this" and there is one square off in a pattern on the sidewalk, or the gas mileage vs money paid, these things make me feel like others understand whether they do or don't. It's just a daily struggle and many times gets the best of me. I've counted almost every step I've taken (to places I have to go to frequently) since I've been in Iowa: how many steps to Bessey from OE, to Culver's from west Ames when I worked there, general actual steps in buildings, etc. I eat everything very intricately. Some of these things impede my day until I can get it just right. The list goes on. I do appreciate friends who will just carry on with whatever they are doing when I'm doing some random thing next to them or slow down when we're walking because they notice I need a minute, thank you. I know many that won't talk about it, but I figured for this week only here you go, a taste of my mind. One thing that does bother me is when people say oh that's a bit of my OCD and it's not...like because you are a clean-freak doesn't mean you have OCD, it means you like things clean, and I commend that! Or statements that are actually hurtful to us.
Would survive a day in my body?