Book Part 3

Being the little feisty child I was, I started climbing over my brother ready to go in the house and punch my father dead in the face. I only stood around 46 inches and about 55 pounds with patchy milk chocolate colored skin and dark red-brown hair. My father on the other hand was a fairly dark man, and he was cocky in stature (about 210-220lbs) holding his height steady at 6’1 during that time. Either way this little David was ready to take on Goliath. My mother grabbed me, “Anasia calm down…” She told us that we will wait until after Christmas before she makes any decisions. We all went in the house together and for the next five or six days, no one said a word.

My birthday turned the corner soon enough. And family was coming into town for the holiday. All I could think of was that George Foreman lost a boxing title earlier this year, also Jordan came back to bball, and how I thought those were emotional moments; mainly because the way my father and uncles reacted to them. I also remembered crying so vividly for some bombing in the middle of our nation² only because everyone else was. Yet this December, I was crying for US.

The following day, December 17^th, my dad said happy birthday to me as I ate macaroni and cheese for breakfast (it was my favorite meal and it was my birthday) and asked, “before you open your presents and see if you got what you wanted, what do you want for your birthday?”

As I had begun to open my mouth, I hesitated, flash backs rolled through my mind of getting beat for various activities that all started with me opening my mouth or my father losing his temper and this was both. Andrew [who was 4’2, about 60lbs, and who also had patchy brown skin like myself,] and I learned at a very young age to keep our tears hidden, they weren’t accepted in our household along with many other things. But like the child I was I could of cared less. I said within a swallow of a mouthful of mac, “I wanna know why would you cheat on ma since I was three years old, was it because I was born and you all had to move into a new house and be stressed and stuff?” [Dare to Love was released this day³]

He raised his hand in the air which seemed so high up to me and asked “what did you say?”

I thought for a whole two seconds and looking away from him down to the ground, “It’s my birthday dad, please don’t hit me!” That’s all I remember.

This Sunday morning, my mother was in the shower, and with no school, my brother stumbled like a zombie and walked into the dining room and turned into the kitchen to find food. My grandmother, Carolyn Ruth Sturdivant (aka Mama or dad’s mom), was outside and ready to take Andrew and I to church. I said to my grandma that day, “Mama, can I get on the altar?”

She simply replied, “Bless your little heart, of course you can, you don’t have to ask.” I still can’t recall what I got for my birthday that year. I do remember asking God to save me, and save my family.

The next few days went by very slowly and with lots of tension in the air. Eight days later, Christmas had finally arrived; and with my family being the masters of hiding emotions, we pretended nothing happened two weeks ago. Family started to pour in and we started to put on our façades. Mama was a sweet grandma, one of those down south type of grandparents, the ones that would fix you something to eat because they thought you looked hungry. She wasn’t skinny by any means but just the right size grandma to crawl up in her lap and rest your head on her black woman figure and fall asleep to the sound of her heart beat. Her complexion was smooth and rich almost like that of a Hershey’s chocolate bar. My dad’s family came and went as did my moms. Christmas became a blur that year and so did new years.