Love and Bucket lists

Have you ever fallen deeply in love with someone but for whatever reason it did not work out. Only to later find out that that was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

What do you do in that moment when you realize that you might be alone forever because you miss the opportunity with your soulmate?

When they call you every time they havr a break up with someone crying and talking to you about that situation...so because you care, you want to be that friend for them, to be that best friend because you just want to see them happy. You just really want them to be ok and smile again, especially if they are hurting so bad from whatever that person did them. No matter how much you want to say I love you and I care about you and I could never do to you what they have done to you...you know in that moment and in that time that what they really need is you as a friend.

So you stay there as a friend, later "friendzoned" and you let them know how much they are a valuable person, how much people care about them, how much they are needed in this world, how they deserve better, to make sure that they feel good again regardless of how much you hurt inside sEwing themail hurt. Knowing if you could change anything in their life, you would change all the sorrow, heartbreak, and pain that they have endured, you just want to wish the best for them and for everyone they encounter. If their happiness is without you, so be it. That happiness is what'she most important to you for all your friends because that'she the type of person you are. Some may take advantage of you, others won'the know they are, and the rest will get the love you are sending and respect the respect.

Interesting to see that no matter how many times someone breaks their heart, or does them wrong, they call you and they talk to you...they know there is a connection there and you know it too. But for some reason you can't be together, so you accept it and understand that you might be alone forever.

I've been there, done that. Seen plenty of things, good and bad. Lived a pretty full life before I was even in the heart of college. I've fallen in love obviously. Had sex, drove a car/stick shift/bus/trailer/truck/etc, learned another language, been beaten by family, sexually abused, beat up a good number of folks for picking on the wrong kids, seen fires ruin homes, lived through a war &911, done fostercare, and so much more. Left on my bucket list: open a residential facility for teens....get married/then have a child.

I love my job, but the way money is and student loans, I don't think the residential thing will workout at this point in my life. Also, as stated before, the one I was to marry me, won't happen...even as they lay here I'm my bed and I sit here on the floor at 346am writing this. You have accepted forever alone. From what you've learned in life...some things aren't meant to be and not everyone gets their happy ending. Especially for a kid from the hood (East Cleveland, Oh) that's been through hell &got trapped in Iowa. Tis life was what you were taught. Good night, good bye, hit me up if you need to talk. Anyone, it's what I do. I'm an advocate, counselor, FRIEND!

Book stuff... pre-prologue

2007

Thursday, July 12^th, I rolled over in my bed to reach for the annoying sound coming from my black AT&T razor phone. Immediately I make way to the shower followed closely with grabbing a beader and throwing on an ISU Dining work polo. Prepared to head out I sat on the futon waiting on Rosa. Rosa was 5’7 with long dark hair, glasses, and a shy personality that showed. It took Rosa a little longer to get ready that morning before we headed out to work; her hair seemed to do that from time to time.

We reached Knapp-Storms dining facility and started morning prep for the campus cafes. This morning shift was the only shifts we worked together this week. After we finished prep, we got in Rosa’s two-door laser red 2003 Honda Accord and headed to Maple-Willow-Larch Dining Center. I got out and told Rosa I’ll see her at home as she headed to the opposite side (Westside) of campus’ dining center (Union Drive Community Center) for her lunch shift. I walked in said my greetings and put on a fake smile. After returning from my Fourth of July so called vacation the previous week, I was still down and out. Charlotte, an older sweet woman grabbed me and hugged me as usual; it took everything in me to hold back from crying.

On the sub-station (deli-sandwiches) I was able to keep to myself somewhat. The sinking feeling in my stomach grew. I was here and I didn’t want to be here. I looked around and pulled out my Sudoku book and finished two puzzles. I slipped it away as I heard someone yell Anasia. I turned toward the hotline and saw Jeanne summoning me.

“Yeah Jeanne, I was just about to stock up my station for tonight’s dinner person…”

“I was just going to tell you to set out deserts then you can go or eat.” She stated, “Do you work over here tonight or are you somewhere else, or done for the day?”