part two Book Prologue

“I’m here for the dinner shift. I believe at seven.” “Well I’ma head out. I already dished deserts for tonight.” I walked to the locker room/bathroom, grabbed my bag and tried to keep from crying. Something inside me was eating at me. I was falling apart and my small world was crashing. I don’t believe I ever walked so fast to the bus stop on Lincoln Way and Beach. I was headed home and I knew what I wanted to do. The bus ride was silent for me; eight people on the bus and I heard not one sound as I was zoned-out. I was scared of me.

Finally, west Ames, I was home, 4708 Steinbeck. I climbed to the third floor and went straight in. I turn on the radio in my room and there’s Carried Underwood followed by Rihanna, I was temped to turn it right off. Once I heard Irreplaceable, I turned the radio off and broke into hysterical tears. I slammed my door shut. Crying in my room, I heard Rosa come in; I started my playlist (titled Hurt) on my computer to drown out the sounds of my deep cry. I was in pain, so much pain that it physically hurt to breathe. I hear Rosa leave back out, I turned the music back off and tried to pray; I needed a savior at this moment more than any other moment in my life I felt.

Reaching for my water-bottle with orange juice in it, I poured rubbing alcohol in it. I cried harder. I opened the box that laid next to my bed, ah pills; this would be easy I thought. I lay out on my air mattress from Wal-Mart and opened my bible. I cried to the point that I was out of breath. “Lord, please, ayudame, I’m lost,” I said just above a whisper. Then I screamed, “Jesus!”

Book stuff... pre-prologue

2007

Thursday, July 12^th, I rolled over in my bed to reach for the annoying sound coming from my black AT&T razor phone. Immediately I make way to the shower followed closely with grabbing a beader and throwing on an ISU Dining work polo. Prepared to head out I sat on the futon waiting on Rosa. Rosa was 5’7 with long dark hair, glasses, and a shy personality that showed. It took Rosa a little longer to get ready that morning before we headed out to work; her hair seemed to do that from time to time.

We reached Knapp-Storms dining facility and started morning prep for the campus cafes. This morning shift was the only shifts we worked together this week. After we finished prep, we got in Rosa’s two-door laser red 2003 Honda Accord and headed to Maple-Willow-Larch Dining Center. I got out and told Rosa I’ll see her at home as she headed to the opposite side (Westside) of campus’ dining center (Union Drive Community Center) for her lunch shift. I walked in said my greetings and put on a fake smile. After returning from my Fourth of July so called vacation the previous week, I was still down and out. Charlotte, an older sweet woman grabbed me and hugged me as usual; it took everything in me to hold back from crying.

On the sub-station (deli-sandwiches) I was able to keep to myself somewhat. The sinking feeling in my stomach grew. I was here and I didn’t want to be here. I looked around and pulled out my Sudoku book and finished two puzzles. I slipped it away as I heard someone yell Anasia. I turned toward the hotline and saw Jeanne summoning me.

“Yeah Jeanne, I was just about to stock up my station for tonight’s dinner person…”

“I was just going to tell you to set out deserts then you can go or eat.” She stated, “Do you work over here tonight or are you somewhere else, or done for the day?”