Random thought

When I'm famous some day, people will say, "hey, I knew her back when..."

When the ice on the cold streets was a playground for kids, slippery slopes
When the little tomboy girl couldn't jump ropes,
When time didn't matter and it wasn't yet about who I became,
When everything was simply about how you play the game.
When I was funny,
When I had no money,
When I was in school
When I was yet to be cool.
But...
The chances are I won't remember you because when I was talking about it, you wanted nothing to do with it. hmmm

I hope my book gets published soon and the world knows my story. You know the song I wanna be a billionaire so fricky bad... I don't, no one would ever see me again (hahah,) if that happened. It's lonely at the top. I just want others to read my story and tell me it was cool that I could write that. If something happened to me, no one would be able to know.

So I give you glimpses into what is important in my life when you read my book. I don't have any followers, but that has not stopped me from reflecting and sharing my thoughts. I want to be peaceful and live happily, so I try. Sometimes writing helps me get everything out; thus making me one step closer to being/realizing zen. I read a blog today from a friend called realizing zen and my mind soared into thinking what could be. If only we had an eye opening inspiration everyday. I believe life would be grand!!

Well I should be working on finishing my book right now so I digress, later.

Thanksgiving Reflection

I'm not sure how to accurately articulate what I'm feeling but I felt I should say something. My waves have carried me too far from the shore and I can't turn back now.

It's Thanksgiving and I'm sure I have a lot to be thankful for but that is not on my mind right now. I'd like to say Happy Thanksgiving to all and any who read this. I read on To Write Love on Her Arms that today we are suppose to be grateful and thankful for what we have and look back over the last year and see how far we've come. I feel like I have taken a step backwards from where I was last year and I'm struggling to see the rainbow that's in the sky.

I know that five years ago I didn't know or have any clue where i'd be today and didn't think about it either. Let's recap; Freshman and Junior year I went to Cleveland and I smiled for those around me on a holiday I'm not particularly fond of. Sophomore and Senior year I stayed in Ames and went to Rachel Kapke's house and pretended to be part of a family that wasn't mine. And last year, I was at Kasandra's house (more part of a family). Today I sit here in my three bedroom apartment alone and think.

We should be thankful for those we have and those who want to be there for us. If we don't embrace the others around us and step into their lives we will be stuck in this world of ours and end up all alone on the one day of the year we are suppose to be with those we care about and those that care about us. Every year we are suppose to laugh and smile, cry and feel pain, laugh until we cry; it's a balancing act. Now right now my scale is very lopsided and I'm working to fix that problem. If I could say everything that I wanted to, you'd probably want to hug me then I'd feel more uncomfortable. I'm very rarely a huggy person. My dad's wife once said that you guys don't hug very much after my father and I high-fived one another in a clearly hugging moment. It was normal to us yet different to others eyes I suppose.

Now I sit here watching this TV I've had since I was around 10years old and I'm thankful for all those that have come through my life and the few that have stuck it out with someone as crazy as me. I'd like to apologize to all those I've hurt throughout the short time period I've lived and say please forgive me. I know I constantly push people away and rarely let anyone in, my bad yo. It's a very powerful defense mechanism that makes days like today come very often. I'd like to take a moment and just say Thank you; you know who you are. Lately, I've been able to imagine myself years from now and that was not something that I ever really did, I've learned a lot and want to share with whomever is still reading to be thankful and take every event as a learning experience. Now I'm sure I could be with people somewhere right now, but I wouldn't have been much fun, so I digress; this is where I reside. Loved lost, smiles faded, friends departed, times changed, I'm in pain sometimes, yes a lot has occured since last Turkey day, hmmm, oh well. Enjoy yours and live for the moment.

Happy Thanksgiving all,

~Nas